The connection I crave is the connection I avoid.
I’ve been noticing this a lot lately. Every time I feel disconnected from life and myself, I’ll scroll through Instagram and Facebook, watch Netflix, talk shit with a friend, rummage through the pantry looking for something to eat, to fill that empty space inside me. I won’t do the things I know will bring me back to my centre: breathing deeply, stretching and moving my body mindfully, saying ‘I feel disconnected and I need real connection right now’ to a friend, sitting quietly and being present. Why is this?
Why do I refuse to give myself what I need?
Why do I settle for shallow and unsatisfying when I could have truth and fulfilment?
I want to run towards myself instead of away from myself all the time. I want to be the connection I seek.