Tomorrow I will be another year older. At this point in my life, I thought I’d have more answers than questions, but no. (Where’d I get that idea from anyway?) I’m living in a state of I Don’t Know and have been for a while. This is really uncomfortable. I like control and control means deluding myself that I know everything. I’m trying to relax into it, this unknowingness. Perhaps asking the question is more important right now.
When will I quit my job?
What would I like to do so I can pay the bills?
Where do I want to live?
Do I leave my savings untouched or spend it on travel, a house, starting a business, a year of doing nothing much?
Does my boyfriend still love me and want to be with me?
Will I find a community of friends who can bring me closer to knowing who I really am?
What do I need to be happy?
Am I brave enough to live from the inside out, like I say I want to?
What will I find there?
Who else is struggling to form the question, let alone hear the answer?